Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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