so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize