just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize