So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
