at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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