You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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