I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
