$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
