dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
