Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
