i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
