Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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