that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
