so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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