all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I am mentally ready for anal.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
