Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
