that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
