i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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