He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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