Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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