he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
