honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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