Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
