I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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