Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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