Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Randomize
