Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
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In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
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And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?