Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
