Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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