i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
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I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
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I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.