please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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