I skipped work to stalk him.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text