I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?