if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just found a bag of teeth...
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."