there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
