Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
