instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Did I show you my penis last night?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
where are my eyebrows?
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