John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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