just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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