So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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