I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
