Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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