he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Randomize
