I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
