names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
