wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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