SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
FUCK WHALES
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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