I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
