I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
