it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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