Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
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