You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
