Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
