hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
