hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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