My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
