Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
