how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
