Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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