my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
My feet surprised me
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
