what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
