Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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