i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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