To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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