If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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