Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
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