remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
you never un-have a 4some
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
