she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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