I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
