I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
