if you like me you must not know who I am
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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