The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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