They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
