it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
