birth control should be required to get into college
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
The Olympian is in my bed
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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