He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Randomize
