So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
