Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
