just come out here and I will go home with you...
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
