Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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