This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
So squirting runs in the family.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
