can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
