Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
