how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
