well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
